Quick & easy way to write a mean review

With just a few simple words and punctuation marks!

Want to write a nasty review of a book/film/show but without having to do the tedious work of coming up with constructive criticism? Here’s a quick and easy method! You barely have to do anything at all.

1. Write a basic sentence that factually describes a notable feature of the story. No opinions or emotions yet.

2. Now add “So” or “Apparently” to the beginning of that sentence.

3. Now replace the period at the end of the sentence with two or three (or more!) question marks.

4. For extra vitriol, throw in a “just” and/or a “for some reason” somewhere in the sentence.

Your statement is now so much more bitingly sarcastic!

Examples:

Sentences you might start with:

1. There’s a wardrobe in the countryside in England that opens into a snowy magical land.

2. Local society highly values Mr. Darcy because he’s single and has ten thousand pounds a year.

3. Two vulnerable hobbits carry the dangerous Ring all the way to Mordor.

4. Inspector Javert is obsessed with finding the escaped prisoner Jean Valjean.

Those sentences transformed:

1. Apparently there’s a wardrobe in the countryside in England that just opens into a snowy magical land??

2. So local society highly values Mr. Darcy for some reason because he’s single and has ten thousand pounds a year???

3. Apparently two vulnerable hobbits just carry the dangerous Ring all the way to Mordor???

4. So Inspector Javert is just obsessed with finding the escaped prisoner Jean Valjean for some reason??

There! Nothing could be simpler. With those tiny editing tricks, you have now established yourself as undeniably superior to the author in intelligence, talent, and taste. Everyone will think so.

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This has been your—admittedly snarky—reminder that being snarky is the easiest thing in the world. (As proof, writing this post took me like five minutes tops.) Constructive, thoughtful criticism is far harder to compose. In fact, even writing a glowing review is harder than writing a snarky one. (Writing this paragraph took me more time than writing the entire rest of this post.) So let us not think ourselves, or others, clever for wielding sarcasm. It in fact takes far less effort than writing in just about any other way.